The dreaded commute.

I'm hungry for a different commute.

No, not a shorter commute. That would imply that my hunger is only to escape the hour and a half it takes me to reach home from my office in the city. I need a completely different commute. One that avoids gum popping, loud, cell phone conversations and end-of-the-day sweating. I believe that most Americans endure some sort of commute on a daily basis, despite the length of time it takes. And during these commutes, etiquette should be involved.

For example, no, Mr. Loud Music from iPad, I'm not interested to hear the sweet, endearing blasts of Queen during my morning commute, especially when I'm stuck sitting directly behind you on the train. The train. A place with no escape and sometimes, with irritating delays that are only made worse by selfish commuters. It is quite clear that in the afternoon, the last thing anyone riding the train wants or needs is a reason to be even more crabby than they already are. Enter Mr. Sweaty Forehead Man. Wiping your sweaty face, after sprinting who knows how many blocks to catch the express train, is not appropriate in a confined space while sitting next to strangers. There will be another train. That train will allow your shirt to remain dry and prevent it from grazing against my shoulder.

You'd think that the train would be the worst of the day's commute. Until you get to the bus. The bus. The place where Mrs. I Talk to Everyone and No One Cares commutes every morning. And in the afternoon, it would be beneficial to all of us commuters if you would have your bus pass or money ready and waiting so as not to further delay the bus route. Miss Pays in All Quarters might have a lighter change purse, but you make me want to use whatever energy I have left from the day to push you off the bus.

After these few short weeks of commuting from the suburbs to the city, I can officially say that I'm hungry for a change. And if you ever catch me loudly yapping on my phone heading North on the Metra? I give you full permission to remind me just how irritating I probably am.